How to Revive the Magic in Your Relationship

During the Roman Empire, a priest was imprisoned because he had performed forbidden weddings for soldiers. The guardsman’s daughter visited him, they shared their thoughts and laughed. On the day of his execution, he wrote her a note saying he loved her and signed with “From your Valentine”.

This is one legend about the origins of this famous day in celebration of romantic love. Nowadays, Valentine’s Day has many faces: people ignore the day, some may have lost their belief in love, a single person has fun with friends with a touch of melancholy, a woman bitterly cooks dinner for her husband whilst thinking, “I will not support this for another year”, and couples go for a walk, admiring a sky full of stars and holding hands or happily enjoying a romantic candlelit dinner.

Valentine’s Day may remind you of how you feel right now about love. If you feel joy, everything is perfect. Yet, if this day provokes frustration, anger or sadness this may be a sign that you long for a change. Change is always possible. If you are single, you can attract the right partner now and as a couple, you can revive the magic of your relationship by taking some simple steps.

A relationship needs common dreams, goals that you want to achieve together. Take a time out of the routine and create your common dreams together. As single, get your dream about a romantic relationship clear. Write it down, focus on what you want to attract and let go of what you don’t want. Everybody has made good and less pleasant past experiences, allow yourself to dream big, independent of the past. This way you align your radar and attract whom you want.

Relationships are a deep connection between two people. Have courage and share your deepest thoughts and feelings. Whether you have known your partner for 20 years or you both have just met recently, allow your partner to see you without masks. You can never control the other’s thoughts or feeling, you can just give an honest picture about yourself.

Another way to improve the relationship is by practicing gratitude. Place a gratitude jar at home. Each time you feel grateful for something that your partner did or said, write it on a little note and put it into the jar. Maybe you came home after a hard day’s work, and your partner waited for you with dinner already prepared? Great, put a note in the jar. At the end of the year, empty the jar and read together the miracles that happened in your relationship.

Studies show that positivity supports the foundation of relationships and that the ratio between positive and negative affirmation should be 5:1. Positivity is a habit that can easily be learned and practice. Instead of blaming your partner, communicate your need or desire behind this complaint. Give your partner a compliment, tell him or her what they are good at. Singles may get stuck in negative thoughts because of frustration. Yet, our thoughts create our reality. Change your thoughts and create positive ones about romantic relationships and practice hope. The right partner for you is already out there and positive relationships are possible.

If the original spark seems to be lost in the routine of daily life, reminisce over the story of how you met each other. Tell each other all the details about how you experienced it and feel the original connection again. Imagine what is possible in the here and now starting from this point.

Real love is fundamental in our life. Misguided ideas such as “love is suffering” still exist, but love does not justify all and has its limits. Nowadays relationships are about two independent persons, loving each other with mutual respect, dignity and equality without violating each other’s rights and supporting each other as companions, best friends and lovers. Each relationship creates its own unique model based on two unique people and their specific inner worlds. This way, your relationship gives you positive energy and joy and each day can be like Valentine’s Day.

May every day in your life be Valentine’s Day.

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Do you want to read more? Check the post Do you enjoy the beauty of the moment?

Published in www.barcelonaconnect.com, February 2013

Natalie Jovanic

Natalie Jovanic is a Registered Therapeutic Counsellor. As a counsellor, she passes on what she believes in, but it isn’t just knowledge, theory, and professional experience. It is also her wisdom gained through her own transformational journey of healing violence and abuse.