Do You Know the Secret for Fulfilling Relationships?

Have you ever wondered what is the greatest secret that leads to fulfilling relationships?

I have asked myself this question about a thousands times until I found the answer: The greatest secret that leads to fulfilling relationships is having self-esteem. Sounds simple, doesn’t it. Actually, it wasn’t that simple for me because I never established it as a child but I developed is an adult. I have experienced profound changes in my relationships when I raised my self-esteem, and you can do the same. Read this story:

Many years ago, I was observing people how they talked to one another. I did not dare to join them because of my low self-esteem. I thought that I could not share anything interesting so I stayed distant and silent. In that time, I did not honor my worth and had many negative believes about myself. This limited my life and my way to relate to others. Until I found out that self-esteem was something I could develop and improve by myself. So I started to transform my negative thoughts with persistence and patience. I stopped to focus on my failures, but on what I had learned and I started to acknowledge my positive sides. I stopped wanting to be perfect and started to be kind to myself. Gradually, I began to love and to honor who I was, with my good and bad sides. I changed from a rigid and judging perspective towards myself into a loving and compassionate one.

Raising self-esteem is important for your life. It allows you to experience a higher degree of positive feelings and to have better and more fulfilling relationships with your partner and friends It makes you independent of the approval of others. Let’s face it, the people you love will not always have the same opinion as you have. Not every friend will understand the decisions you make or the things you do. Or people might even judge you that you are wrong. Does it mean that you are wrong? No, you just have different opinions.
Self-esteem also protects you from staying in abusive or unhealthy relationship. It allows you to set healthy boundaries and to say no. Furthermore, it improves your efficiency in achieving your goals.
With a healthy self-esteem you can be who you really are, you can say your opinion and speak your truth and still feel respect and compassion towards others, even if they have a different opinion.
Some people have already developed a healthy self-esteem during their childhood. Others not. I assure you, everyone can develop it. Start your journey today and develop self-esteem by following this advice:

You are unique and wonderful!

I admit, many years of my life I compared myself with other women and always felt horrible. My hair was never as beautiful as theirs, not to mention my figure and my height. I looked into the mirror and felt horrible. Then, I got angry with myself and I decided to stop comparing and focus on what I have. I remembered that my mother always liked my eyes. So I started to like my eyes. Over time, I became more and more content with my exterior image, even though it is not at all perfect. Stop comparing yourself with others! Focus on the features that make you special because that is what you are – unique and special. Look at yourself in a compassionate way. Look into the mirror and tell yourself every morning, I am beautiful, I love me, I am loveable. I know that you are.

Establish a loving and compassionate inner dialog!

I often had a very destructive inner dialog. I told myself sentences like I will never make it, You are not good enough or Others are better than you. With these demotivating words, I made myself feeling bad and did not even try to achieve what I wanted. I observed my inner dialog and consciously changed any negative tendencies. Now I am telling myself things like I will achieve it, I give my best.
Observe your thoughts and transform any negative inner dialog into a positive one. Become your own motivator and start to talk to yourself in a loving and compassionate way.

Concentrate on your learning!

Everyone has made mistakes – at least I have made a lot in my life. The important point is what you have learned from your mistakes. Take two papers. On the first paper, write down the mistakes that are still bothering you. On the second paper, write down everything that you have learned from your mistakes. Now, say, Thank you to the first paper and pull it into pieces, burn it in a safe place or throw it away. Keep the second paper with what you have learned and read it frequently.

Set achievable goals and respect your own rhythm!

When you set yourself goals do not carry it to the excess! Set a realistic time frame for your goals so that you are able to achieve them. Ask yourself when you set your goals, What would be the kindest action towards myself. Get into action to achieve your goals and celebrate each time when you have achieved it. Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t meet the timeline. Just set a new date and move on.

Improving self-esteem is a life-long task.
You are work in progress and can enhance yourself and your relationships each day. I invite you to start your journey to improving your self-esteem today. Learn to love and respect yourself, and you will see how your exterior world will change, too. Use the energy of spring to fall in love with the wonderful person you are right now!

I love to read your comments below!

You want to learn more? Read this article about self-worth.

Natalie Jovanic

Natalie Jovanic is a Registered Therapeutic Counsellor and Shiatsu Therapist. As a counsellor, they pass on what they believe in, but it isn’t just knowledge, theory, and professional experience. It is also their wisdom gained through their own transformative journey of healing abuse. Natalie is trained in trauma-informed practice and EMDR. They are the author of A Brave, True Story.