When I started my healing journey, I often had doubts about whether healing was possible. Social stigma told me that I was forever broken and deterministic worldviews imposed on me that I would never recover. Most research I read told me what was wrong with me but did not tell me how I could change it. While these voices left me hopeless, I also found true stories from people who had recovered. I also read books by experts who believed that recovery was possible. Those voices inspired me to go through my healing journey. Overtime, I found my individual pathways to healing.
I guess there will always be some people who don’t believe in healing for whatever reason. However, full recovery is possible, even if each healing journey is unique and different. Some methods will work for you, while others won’t. Unfortunately, there is not the only methodology that will solve all your problems. It does not exist. While it is frustrating if things don’t work out, it doesn’t mean that you are a hopeless case. There are many pathways to healing. It just means that it wasn’t the right tool or professional for you, and it is time to look for a new one.
Here are some pathways to healing that you may find beneficial for your healing journey as an adult survivor of childhood abuse:
Owning your story
The first step to overcoming negative childhood experiences is to acknowledge what happened to you and making sense of how the past influences the present. It includes that you explore your childhood experiences with curiosity and that you reflect how they influence your current experience Based on your reflections, you work on breaking those patterns. Furthermore, it means that you explore which unconscious decisions you made concerning survival in this work.
Healthily connecting with your emotions
Healing doesn’t mean that the facts change. For example, if you have experienced sexual violence, it has happened to you. Healing means that you own the emotions related to the incident, work through and release them. Since we often learned as children to numb our emotions since we weren’t equipped to deal with them, we need to learn as adults to connect with them again. This process takes time and you will find your rhythm to go through it.
Become a loving adult for your inner child
Inner child work is a loving concept to nurture those parts of us that were hurt by childhood abuse. The more we can create a compassionate and honest relationship with our disowned parts, the more we will connect to others meaningfully. It may help us to heal painful emotions due to abandonment and rejection. Inner child work can be an important foundation for your healing journey because it allows you to understand the impact your experiences as a child had on your past and present and to make peace with it.
There are many different meditation styles available: Zen meditation can help you to improve your relationships and create self-awareness. Mindfulness has proven to improve our attachment styles. As survivors of childhood abuse, we may have insecure attachment styles that influence our relationships in a negative way. Mindfulness together with therapy can help you to transform your relationship style and create an earned secure attachment style as an adult.
When we are faced with unprocessed childhood experiences, it often may appear very overwhelming to deal with them. However, healing does not mean that you need to rush through the process or force it to happen. It means that you learn new skills that you can work through those experiences in a safe space and confront them when you are ready for this. You do not have to do this alone, counselling will help you to work through it. While healing might be an uncomfortable process, it will help you to transform your life.
“It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.”