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Why Does The Heart Go Through So Much Heartbreak?

Some weeks ago, a client asked me this question: Why does the heart go through so much trauma and heartbreak?

It remembered me of the times when I asked this question myself. My heart had experienced heartbreak, hurt and pain, and this question made me feel hopeless and deeply frustrated in the past. I did not see a feasible way to get out of this pain, and it accompanied me for many years, even though in different forms. In my childhood, my family relationships were full of suffering and, as an adult, my romantic relationships seemed to be a repetition of, at least, part of the hurt and pain. I asked myself, Why does the heart go through so much suffering? many times, but it did not lead to a solution. One day, I saw that I was asking the wrong question, and I started to ask myself, What can I do so that I can let go of trauma, shock, hurt and pain so that I will attract a healthy relationship? And suddenly, I saw new perspectives, and I found out that I had the power to heal my heart and get out of this painful circle.

Here are my recommendations so that you can let go of pain, trauma, shock and suffering and create a healthy relationship:

Connect to your dreams.

Most everyone wants a healthy, depth-of-their-heart true love relationship. Yet, many of us have deep wounds that need to be healed to experience this. Use the power of your dreams to motivate you to heal yourself and your heart so that you can attract the relationship you want. You deserve a healthy relationship, and you have the power to create it. See your past pain and suffering as a blessing because it showed you all that you do not want and transform it into joy and happiness by defining what you really want. It does not matter what happened in your past, you can now create the relationship you really want. Imagine how would be your life in a healthy, depth-of-your heart true love relationship? Imagine how would you feel if you really have attracted it? Never give up on your dream and use its power to motivate you on your healing journey.

Create a loving relationship with yourself
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Learn to love, honor and respect yourself. This way, you will develop a healthy self-esteem, which is vital to a healthy relationship. Loving yourself is an inner process. It allows you to be authentic and speak your truth, to say “no” when you want to say “no” and to leave a relationship that violates your boundaries. It also supports you to enjoy life as a single person until the intimate love relationship that you desire becomes real. Be loving with yourself because the relationship with yourself is the most important one you will have in your life and the way you treat yourself can influence the way how your partner treats you.

Become a complete person.

Heal your childhood wounds and other negative experiences of your past and become complete. Learn to be aware of your needs and start to fulfill them by yourself. You are now an adult and able to fulfill your needs by yourself. This means that you are independent, and you can consciously choose the relationships that you want to have. And it empowers you to decline relationships that produce suffering. You may not be able to avoid short-term pain but you protect yourself from further long-term suffering.

Learn about new realities.

Your reality is shaped by your experiences. What type of relationships did you experience as a child? I only had painful experiences, and I thought that all relationships were struggle and suffering. As an adult, I learned that there are other realities. Healthy relationships do exist and creating them isn’t a mystery. Behaviors and attitudes that nourish a positive, joyful relationship can be learned. Look for positive relationships in your family or in your circle of friends. Look for stories about positive role models and create your picture of a healthy relationship and say no to relationships that do not comply with your picture.

Always remember that you are the most important person in your life, and you deserve to be loved, honored and respected, by yourself and your partner. If you have a loving relationship with yourself, this will protect you from staying in relationships that produce continuous suffering and it will give you the strength to leave these relationships. This way, you open the door so that better opportunities can arrive.

I look forward to reading your comments below!

Do you want to read more? Check the post Do you know your worth?

Natalie Jovanic

Natalie Jovanic is a Registered Therapeutic Counsellor and Shiatsu Therapist. As a counsellor, they pass on what they believe in, but it isn’t just knowledge, theory, and professional experience. It is also their wisdom gained through their own transformative journey of healing abuse. Natalie is trained in trauma-informed practice and EMDR. They are the author of A Brave, True Story.