How to Become a Modern Heroine

Who is your favorite hero?

When I was a child, my favorite hero was Scaramouche, the hero in a movie that played during the French revolution. He has some love affairs with women who just weren’t a great match before he falls in love with the right woman for his live. The last scene showed him driving away in a coach just married to a beautiful noblewoman while people cheer to him.

What do you have in common with a hero or heroine?

Have you ever wondered whether a fabulous relationship is only possible for a few lucky people? I have until I found out that it isn’t. However, I had to become courageous, compassionate and conscious. All you need to create a fabulous relationship is that you become a modern heroine. Don’t worry if you don’t have to feel like a heroine today. When the hero starts his journey, he never feels like a hero. He is thrown into an adventure. He feels weak or unprepared. And with all this, he fights dragons and overcomes obstacles. He learns new skills and develops powerful resources. He finds allies and defeats enemies. He gets wounded, is reborn and now shines with a new, brilliant light. Suddenly, he feels like the hero we have already seen in him at the beginning of the movie.
The hero’s archetype resides within all of us. It is your choice to activate it. The challenge in your life is to let go of a partner who is the wrong match. The challenge of your life is to open your heart and become courageous, compassionate and conscious in your relationship. These are the challenge you face and it’s your opportunity to start your heroine’s journey. The merit is being happy and finding a great partner who is the love of your life. Isn’t that worth it?

A modern heroine’s journey – of what does it consist?

  • Accept your calling.
    Your journey starts when you sense a calling. It is likely to speak in a very low voice. If you read this article you have it – this inner knowing that a fabulous relationship is what you want to experience in your life. Now, you may want to look away. Maybe you remember the pain when your last relationship failed or the endless fights of your parents in their relationship. Your mind tells you that a fabulous relationship is impossible. You fear your calling and its message. It urges you to change. You don’t feel ready, but you have a gnawing sense that it’s time to walk on a new path. Take a deep breath and accept your calling. It is a loving invitation for being happy in a relationship. You have all what it takes to do so. You are more courageous than you believe you are. A fabulous relationship is possible for you. Start your journey today!
  • Enter an unknown world.
    On your journey, you have to leave behind the world you know. Whatever kind of relationship you experienced in the past, it’s time to learn something new. Now is the appointed time to become courageous, compassionate and conscious. This will lead you to a fabulous relationship. You will make steps into a new direction, a direction towards being whole, and explore things you never did before. Follow this path, leave behind the old and explore the new.
  • Sit down with your shadow.
    My shadow was sexual violence and the emotional abusive relationships I had experienced in my childhood and their effects on myself as an adult. They influenced my adult relationships in a negative way. For many years, I feared to explore them. I attracted partner who weren’t a good match. Finally, I sat down with my shadow. After a while,  a woman gave me this feedback in a workshop: amante de la sombra [lover of the shadow]. When I heard it, I had to smile. Over the years, my shadow has lost its darkness, and I have found wonderful treasures in it. Your shadow is different. However, if you don’t dare to look at it, it will subconsciously control you. As adults, we are supposed to clear any negative conditioning we have received in the past. We are supposed to heal and to become whole. Sitting down with your shadow helps you to release relationship patterns that hinder you to attract a great partner who will be the love of your life. What is your shadow in your relationship? What are the dark spots in your soul that you are afraid to look at? What are the events that have made you close your heart? Your shadows may seem overwhelming and deeply frightening. They may be labeled as horrible and invincible. And you are stronger and more powerful than they are. Dare greatly, and illuminate them. The treasures you will find are worth the effort. Enter the unknown world of self-discovery, healing and becoming whole. Dare greatly and you’ll realize a profound transformation you never believed possible.
  • Let go of your masks.
    My favorite mask was being “A Nice Girl.” It was comfortable because its label seemed positive.  It protected me from harm and conflict. It also led me to abandon myself and hindered myself to show up.
    The masks you put on to relate with other people may seem comfortable, and they impede you to experience belonging. With your masks you can only fit in. And that’s not belonging. Behind your masks, there is a brilliant version of yourself that wants to show up. It is perfectly imperfect, and that’s great. This true and honest version will attract the right partner to create a fabulous relationship. Only you can uncover it. What are the masks you are using? Get to know them and explore them. Then, tear them off, bit-by-bit, and connect with your feelings, needs and boundaries. Show up and speak your truth. Each time you do so, you move forward on your hero’s journey.
  • Find your allies.
    My most powerful allies are nature, the sea, silence and breathing. I also met fascinating people, inspiring teachers, cheerful companions, great coaches and complete strangers who gave me the right hint during a short encounter.
    Who are your allies? Ask them for help. Connect with them. Listen to them. Evaluate whether their words correspond with your truth. If your gut feeling tells you that it is right, then take action.
  • Fight your dragons.
    Your dragons are everything that hinders you to experience a fabulous relationship. Your dragons aren’t in the outside world. They are within yourself. My dragons were the wrong truth I learned about love in my family, low self-worth and self-compassion, shame and guilt. They also consisted of resisting the temptation to stay with the wrong partner out of convenience and fear. Not every person you fall in love with will be a great match to have a fabulous relationship. What are you dragons? Write them down. Observe them. Liberate them. Question the truth of their words. Learn tactics how you can let go of them. Don’t give in to them. Change focus and listen to their anti-pole. Become a motivational speaker for yourself. Ask your allies for help. Conquer your dragons gracefully, one after the other.

What merits will you gain?

You will look at the world with new, bright eyes. You will see the beauty of life. Even if something deeply painful happened to you in your past, its darkness will transform into light throughout your journey. This is likely to happen in stages, just like a spiral. You will re-visit some themes throughout your life. Each time you do so, you will gain more understanding, wisdom and freedom. You can’t save the world, but you can save yourself and you can stop unhappiness in your relationship. You can find a great match as partner and create the fabulous relationship you deserve. And by doing this, you will save the world. You will be courageous, compassionate and conscious, and you’ll be greater version of yourself.  You will experience deep connection with a great partner and the world. And isn’t that all what life is about?

When do you start your hero’s journey?

I look forward to reading your comments below!

Do you want to read more? Check the article What does your soul yearn for?

Natalie Jovanic

Natalie Jovanic is a Registered Therapeutic Counsellor. As a counsellor, she passes on what she believes in, but it isn’t just knowledge, theory, and professional experience. It is also her wisdom gained through her own transformational journey of healing violence and abuse.