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Can You Heal From Emotional Abuse and Violence?

Can you heal from emotional abuse and violence?

Yes, you have experienced traumatic events. Emotional abuse and violence have left a mark on your soul. Everything may seem dark and hopeless. You feel pain, shame and guilt. You may hear judgments of other people like “poor victim” or “you will never overcome the effects of emotional abuse.” You feel small, you feel unworthy. The scale of your life seems out of balance. The trauma seems heavier than any resources you may own.

And the trauma weighs so heavy on you that you can’t see clearly: you have precious and valuable resources. You have developed strength, perseverance and courage. You have resilience because you have learned to go through a crisis and move forward with your life.

It doesn’t matter what happened to you: you are worthy of love and belonging.

The emotional abuse or violence you have experienced don’t define yourself nor your future. Healing them is your challenge on your journey. Facing them is the starting point for the greatest transformation of your life. And that’s your hero’s journey. You have the power to become whole and to recover all what seems lost in the traumatic events. And nobody else can do this for you. Your partner can’t save you. Your parents can’t save you. Your children can’t save you. Only you can save yourself.

Let’s take a look at a lotus plant: Its roots stand in the dirt and mud, and out of these roots, it develops bright and colorful flowers. Its roots are strong enough to survive in an environment that seems difficult. Its leaves have a mechanism to repel water. And it can produce heat to the water that surrounds its body. This way it creates its own friendly environment.
You are just like this lotus plant: you have the strength to grow through these painful events and transform them into a bright and colorful life. You can release the negativity you have experienced and liberate yourself from its influences, and you can create for yourself a loving and nurturing environment.

Why am I so sure about what I am telling you? I have been there, too, and I used this path myself. I experienced emotional abuse and violence in my childhood. And I used the following steps to heal myself. If I was able to do it, you can do it, too.

How can you heal from emotional abuse and violence?

  • Create a bright and colorful vision for your future.
    Your past doesn’t define your future. The vision you create will define the outcome and you can create joyful and positive experiences you may never have experienced before. Everything is possible. Your definition of the future gives you the energy and courage to face your challenges and move forward on your healing path.
  • Become whole again.
    The painful events have shaken your soul and your sense of being. You have absorbed many labels and many opinions about yourself that are not true. Your task is to connect deeply with yourself, to love yourself and to liberate yourself from the conditioning you have absorbed. Re-establish your self-esteem and self-worth. Value your needs and dreams. Be loving and kind towards yourself.
  • Become a compassionate parent for your inner child.
    During your childhood, you have experienced painful events that you weren’t able to deal with at this age. Now, you are an adult. You can choose to become a loving and compassionate adult for this child within you that wants to be seen and loved by you. Don’t blame your parents for what they did or didn’t do. They can’t help you with this. You can’t change the past, but you can take the responsibility for your inner child. Be a good parent for your inner child. This way, he or she will heal and become a source for creativity and joy.
  • Connect with your intuition and your higher wisdom.
    You have learned many beliefs about yourself that aren’t true. Connect with your higher wisdom to clarify the truth of these beliefs. Sit in silence, go for a walk in nature and connect with this part of you that has all the wisdom you need. Listen to and follow your intuition. It will show you the right path for your healing.
  • Find somebody to go with you without judging you.
    You cannot do it all alone. You will need somebody who supports you on this journey. Find a person who doesn’t judge you or the events that happened to you. Find a therapist, counselor, coach or healer who deserves your trust and who deserves to hear your story.
  • Learn to practice emotional intelligence.
    Connect with your body, and learn to listen to your emotions. Learn ways how you can express them in a healthy way. Your emotions aren’t your enemies. They are your allies, and they give you signals. If you numb yourself to avoid painful emotions, you limit your capacity to feel joy and happiness, and it can lead to addictive behaviors. Explore your emotions and listen to what they have to tell you.

As human beings, we have a need to connect and love. Traumatic events can limit your capacity to connect. Healing yourself is your path towards love and connection. Take responsibility for your life and your needs. Dare to walk down this path. You deserve it.

Natalie Jovanic

Natalie Jovanic is a Registered Therapeutic Counsellor and Shiatsu Therapist. As a counsellor, they pass on what they believe in, but it isn’t just knowledge, theory, and professional experience. It is also their wisdom gained through their own transformative journey of healing abuse. Natalie is trained in trauma-informed practice and EMDR. They are the author of A Brave, True Story.