Did the Partner You Love Leave You?

Well, the man I’ve loved most in my life left me. It happened more than two years ago. He was my best friend and the man I trusted most in my life. The beginning of our romantic relationship was supposed to be the brilliant ending of my memoir A Brave, True Story. Our story became the final chapter and the greatest defeat of my life – at least that was how I felt about it.

Do you feel the same?

Let me tell you how this story continued:

I looked at the screen. An email arrived. Message from Ben – the man I had loved most in my life. He had disappeared without ever calling me after we had become lovers. I couldn’t believe it. Under shock, I opened it. It said, Welcome to Canada! I am glad that you’ve made it. How are you? What do you do? I wasn’t sure what to do, but my intuition told me that I should answer…

A couple of weeks later, we talked to each other on the phone. He said, well, I know that our ending wasn’t the best… His voice sounded hesitant. I sighed. Our break-up had been horribly painful for me. But was it still a defeat? I took a deep breath and looked at my life as it was right now: I lived in the country I loved, I had found wonderful new friends, I did the work I loved, I was happier than ever before, and I was on my way to realizing my greatest dreams. No, our ending hadn’t been good, but it has given me the courage to fully commit to my path and to become the best version of me. Suddenly, the greatest defeat became a different meaning. I replied, Yes, it was painful. But it was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have become the woman I always wanted to be. His voice sounded a bit insecure when he responded, They say that’s possible.

Do you want to transform your defeat, too?

Losing him was very painful, and I was in a crisis. I just wanted to run away from the pain. However, the pain can’t heal this way. I decided to transform myself and make the best out of this apparent defeat:

  • Setting an intention to be happy beyond belief.
    It was a moment when I felt down. My friend was the only person in my life I had never expected to lose. But I didn’t want to get stuck in bitterness, I wanted to make a landfall and to become happier than I could ever imagine. I wanted to move beyond any limitations from my family I was still subconsciously holding on to. If I didn’t start now, when would I ever do it? Do you choose to be happy beyond belief? 
  • Trusting and following your inner voice.
    I set down with myself and took an honest look at all areas of my life: What worked well? Where did I feel frustrated? Where was I aligned with my values and my truth? In which areas was I disconnected from myself? I noticed that there were still some relationships where I gave my power away. I asked my inner wisdom: What can I do to change it? Then, I gathered all my courage and took action. I repeated this process over and over again until I felt that I was who I wanted to be. Do you choose to follow your inner voice?
  • Healing your inner child.
    The rejection of my friend connected me deeply with the trauma of feeling unwanted in my family. I took the time to take care of my inner child and to heal her wounds. I allowed the emotions to emerge and released them. Later, I did some rituals to forgive myself and to forgive my friend. What emotions do you want to release?

A crisis is painful, but it can also be an opportunity to grow and to transform your life. My crisis has been a catalyst for positive change in my life. Even though I already had been on a good path before, it gave me the strength to radically love and accept myself. I stopped to give my power to people I deeply loved, and I quit judging myself. I stood up against negative beliefs, worries, and self-doubts, and I allowed myself to show up as I was with all my imperfections. I fully committed to following my path no matter what other people said.

Being who we are and following our path is like peeling an onion, and we may need to release some layers before we get there. However, if we take this effort, we allow us to be happy and to experience true love and belonging. And that’s what we are looking for, aren’t we?

Natalie Jovanic

Natalie Jovanic is a Registered Therapeutic Counsellor and Shiatsu Therapist. As a counsellor, they pass on what they believe in, but it isn’t just knowledge, theory, and professional experience. It is also their wisdom gained through their own transformative journey of healing abuse. Natalie is trained in trauma-informed practice and EMDR. They are the author of A Brave, True Story.