Dating Frustration? Find some refreshing perspectives on finding a healthy relationship!

Do you know this frustration when you date people, and it always goes wrong? Here is the story of a good friend of mine and some dating advice that will give you some new thoughts about dating.

My friend is a beautiful woman with long blond hair and wonderful blue eyes. Some years ago she went through a painful relationship that ended in a difficult divorce. She has close friends but does not have a family to protect her in difficult times, so having a relationship was really important for her and she started for a loving relationship with a wonderful man.
First, she met a guy from Scotland while he was visiting the city. He went back to Scotland. My friend faced all her fears to give their relationship a chance, and she went through some hard months until she was ready to open up for him. She made it, but he gave up after six months because of his fears.
Then, she became acquainted with the second man, listened to his problems and was curious to understand him, open to accept him as he was. Again, she trusted him and faced her fears. It failed because he withdrew.
A few weeks later, she got to know the third man. The beginning was perfect, he wanted to see her and spent a lot of time with her. After some weeks, he was not sure what he wanted. She accepted his doubts and gave him freedom to sort out what he wanted. After two repetitions, she let him go.
In the beginning, she simply felt desperately sad when it did not work out, yet she used every attempt to connect more deeply with herself, defining what she wanted and needed. When the third attempt didn’t work out, she went to her doctor by some coincidence and he looked into her blue eyes and said: “You are just too nice.” She was angry about this comment, later she saw the truth of it.

As a result, she started to take good care for herself and acknowledged that life is more than just having a relationship. There are so many facets in addition to having a healthy relationship. She established new goals for her life and re-connected with a long forgotten dream and started a two-year training to be able to follow the career of her dreams. She created her own happiness inside herself. She has defined clearly what relationship and partner she wants. This guides her to take the right choices and helps her to set limits. She has increased self-esteem and each day she loves and embraces herself more.
She moves forward with her life while she never gives up on her dream to have a healthy and loving relationship.

Finding the right partner is not a simple dating “game”. You will meet people who are not ready to give you what you want or they simply can’t. That’s not about you; it’s about them. You can’t change the other person. You can only focus on what you want, have healthy boundaries and take good care for yourself. In the end, you are not looking for anybody, but for a good partner to share your life with. You are worthy with or without a partner. You deserve to be loved, honored and respected.
Happiness or fulfillment does not depend on having a relationship or not. You can find it inside yourself. So, if you meet a partner who is not ready to give you what you need or want, move on. Don’t allow desperation to control you. A good partner for you is already out there and you both will meet when it is the right time. Meanwhile enjoy your life as a single, enjoy your freedom, explore new hobbies, do all that you always wanted to do.
Connect with yourself. Explore your spirituality. Start your personal growth process. What are your passions? What are your dreams? What are your strengths? What makes you special? Your life is precious. Being a single is a phase of your life that has many benefits, being in a relationship has others. Embrace this phase of your life and make it the best phase ever.

What are your experiences with dating?

I’d love to hear from you. Just leave a comment below.

Do you want to read more? Check the post What does your soul yearn for?

Natalie Jovanic

Natalie Jovanic is a Registered Therapeutic Counsellor and Shiatsu Therapist. As a counsellor, they pass on what they believe in, but it isn’t just knowledge, theory, and professional experience. It is also their wisdom gained through their own transformative journey of healing abuse. Natalie is trained in trauma-informed practice and EMDR. They are the author of A Brave, True Story.