Each relationship has its ups and downs, and both partners will grow through their bond. And sometimes, these up and downs of the relationships become emotionally abusive. Emotional abuse is difficult to recognize and it can deeply damage your soul.
Here are 5 warning signs of a toxic relationship:
Isolation from the people you love.
You get increasingly isolated from the people you love. This can start slowly and subtle: Your partner may have required all of your attention and convinced you in a flattering way to spend all your time with him and his friends. Maybe, he or she talks in an insulting or depreciating way about your friends and your family, and they never seem to be “good enough” in the eyes of your partner. Your family and your friends are an essential part of your life and loving you includes accepting your friends and family as they are. If you suddenly notice that you have lost contact with most of your friends, then this is a warning sign that you are heading in the wrong direction.
Your partner’s jealous behaviour limits you.
Jealousy is an emotion, and your partner is responsible to manage his or her emotions. If your partner feels jealous, he should explore the emotion more deeply and understand its root causes. It becomes a warning sign if your partner uses jealousy to control you and to prevent you to do the things you love and enjoy. Don’t find excuses for their jealous behavior and don’t feel flattered by it. Jealousy isn’t love and in a healthy relationship you should have the freedom to do what you enjoy.
Insults and depreciation.
Instead of expressing their appreciation for you, your partner tells you things like “You are lazy” or “You are fat.” Or your partner doubts your abilities to meet your goals and talks about you in such a way that you feel belittled or ashamed. It is a warning sign if your partner talks about you repeatedly in a negative way. Don’t try to whitewash this issue. I have experienced this myself and the words my partner used left a deep mark on my heart, more than I wanted to admit when it happened.
It doesn’t matter what’s happening, you are responsible for all the bad things that are going on in your partner’s life. This blame can be completely irrational, and you might feel very confused about what’s going on. It is a warning sign if your partner blames you all the time or if you feel constantly guilty.
A relationship consists of two people who have different needs and desires. It requires communication to create solutions that meet the needs of both partners. These solutions need honesty, negotiation and creativity. If your conversations consist of constant fighting with an attitude of “my needs are more important than yours” then this is a warning sign. The needs of each partner are equally important. If your partner uses threatening behavior or constant screaming or yelling to meet his or her goals, then this is a sign of a toxic relationship.
In summary, the subtle manipulation of a toxic relationship will eat away your self-esteem and your sense of worthiness. You may end up believing all the negative labels your partner says about you. He or she usually knows your weak points and will push the buttons when possible. The longer you stay in a toxic relationship, the more difficult it can be to leave it due to your decreased sense of worthiness. Only you can change this situation. The best decision you can take for your well-being is to ask for professional help and to leave a toxic relationship as soon as possible. You are an adult, and you are responsible for taking good care of yourself. You deserve a fabulous relationship. You deserve a loving and supportive partner.
A recently published Danish study shows that “middle-aged man and women” who experience stressful social relations have an increased mortality risk.
Do you want to pay this price?
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Do you want to read more? Check the post What if love is painful…?