For the brokenhearted…

Then, this poem is for you. I hope that it softly guides you during this challenging time.

To the woman within me

I’ve beaten you up.
I’ve dragged you down.
You did the best you could.

You grew your hair,
Just like you were supposed to be,
And it didn’t work.

You dressed nicely,
Just like you were supposed to be,
And it didn’t work.

You were nice,
Just like you were supposed to be,
And it didn’t work.

You seduced,
Because you didn’t know it better,
And it didn’t work.

You opened your heart and loved,
And it didn’t work.

You were destroyed.
Nothing ever worked.
You were defeated.
You were thrown to the ground.

And then something happened.
In the middle of dying,
You chose to get up again.
Full of dirt and wounded.
You faced the world,
And shared the story of your many defeats.
To give others hope,
To let them know that they are not alone.

And there you stood,
With your knees shaking.

And then she became alive.
The peaceful warrior within me,
Who lives her life with the heart wide open,
Who will never grow her hair again,
Who will never wear high heels again.
Who is loving and nurturing,
Who takes care of herself,
Who shows the world who she truly is.

Now you are a woman,
Not unscarred, but brilliant.

I love you, from the depth of my heart,
I love you more than words can ever express.

You are more than I ever dared to hope for.
You are more than I ever dreamed of.

From now on, we will walk together.
And our future gets bright and brighter.
Thank you for being the woman you are.
You are making a difference.

 

Do you want to read more? Check out my memoir A Brave, True Story.

Copyright © 2016, Natalie Jovanic. All rights reserved.

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A Wolf’s Separation

Once upon a time, there was a majestic wolf who lived happily and content with his female companion and their offspring in a green forest out of fir trees. The wolf was a loyal companion and a loving father. He took care of his pack so that they had a good meal and a safe home. He anticipated every wish of his pack.

One day, there was a terrible thunderstorm and nothing was as it had been before. The wolf and the she-wolf decided to go their own ways, separated from each other. For the wolf, his pack was his all in the world and he lost everything he ever had. He felt torn into pieces and his heart was broken. He felt guilty for not having it done better. His eyes lost the radiance and his coat the brilliance.

In a deeply black, rainy night the wolf ran into the woods. He did not know which direction to take. He just ran, ran and ran until he collapsed exhausted. Lying on the ground, he suddenly felt a gentle touch on his wet coat. Painfully, he raised his head and saw a tall bear. He thought, A bear, my God, a bear. He saw the imminent death in front of him and did not know whether he should greet him or be frightened. He was too weak to run away.

The gray bear lifted up the wolf lovingly and gently and carried him into a warm cave with an infinite amount of mirrors. The wolf stood up carefully and asked the bear, What is it?

The bear replied, That is you. Each mirror is a part of you and you’re more than all the mirrors.

The wolf looked at the overwhelming amount of mirrors and saw that in one, he was played with his children and in the other he hunted prey. Then he saw his beloved she-wolf in a mirror that was no longer his companion. When he saw her tears came up into his eyes and panic overwhelmed him. What would he do without her?

The bear touched softly his shoulder and said, She will always be in your heart. She has given you your pack. The wound is now so deep that words cannot describe it. And, one day this pain will pass by, too. If you do not see it now, you will then know that it is good as it is.

The wolf bowed his head slightly disbelieving and the bear said: Look over your left shoulder. The wolf turned around and saw a brown saddlebag on his back that was very heavy. What is it? he asked. The bear answered, These are your negative experiences. Now look at your right shoulder. The wolf turned around and saw a saddlebag that was made out of colorful and bright cloth. The bear continued, …and that is all that you have learned from it. At that moment, the wolf felt how the load on his back became balanced and lighter.

Then he saw a new mirror in which he saw another wolf, this one had a wonderful gray mane, a kind smile and a special sparkle in his eyes. This wolf looked calm and peaceful in the world, as if nothing could shock him. Astonished he asked the bear, Who is he? The bear smiled softly and said, He is you. You have all the power and strength to overcome this crisis. You’re more than just a companion and you are more than the people who surround you. Even if it’s painful, sometimes a part of us has to die so that we find ourselves. Never forget how many stars you have inside yourself. Never forget how valuable you are as an individual. I give you this stone as a reminder.

He gave the wolf a beautiful, gleaming green stone and the wolf put the stone into his heart and bowed in gratitude.

He left the cave and his head was now upright and his step powerful. When he entered in the forest again, he felt how the stone completed his heart. The rain was now over, and he looked up at the sky and saw the moon and the stars. That moment he knew that he would find his way.

I look forward to reading your comments below!

Are you interested in reading more about this theme? Check the article What if a Separation is not the end…?

Copyright © 2013, Natalie Jovanic. All rights reserved.

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