I felt so bored lately. Running again. The same old route. There is nothing new. My runs got shorter and shorter. Don’t get me wrong, I love to run. I tried to motivate myself. Hey, you love to run, you love nature. Why is it so hard to get you out of your chair? It’s not the running. It’s the direction. You are sick and tired of running the same route over and over again. You need a new direction, my inner voice whispered to me. A new direction? But where shall I go? I felt scared and chose to ignore it.
During the next couple of weeks, my fearful voice tried hard to convince me that my current direction is perfect. It’s so convenient. You run through the parks, there are hardly any streets or cars. It is safe. Why bother to change it? And even worse, what if you get lost? What if the new route would be worse than the current route? What if you overestimated your capacity, ran too long and had trouble to go home again? My worst case scenario planning blocked me even more and I sat with my inner conflict for a few weeks. I felt stuck. However, my inner voice continued urging for a change.
Finally, I chose to challenge the voice of fear. I wanted at least to give it a try. Therefore, I allowed my inner voice to guide me and chose a new direction. I didn’t really have a plan where I wanted to go. I just ran without any pressure on how far I would get. I wanted to see how I would feel and enjoy the process. I passed by new streets and explored a new neighborhood. Finally, I entered a different park. There were beautiful, tall trees and I saw squirrels whose white fur on their tails looked like a bridal veil. I also saw different possibilities to vary my route in the future.
On my way home, I run up a hill where I’ve never been before and I saw the sunset from a new perspective. It was the most colorful sunset I have ever seen in Vancouver: Orange and purple clouds covered the sky above downtown and a dark violet glaze covered the mountains of the north shore. I took a breath and enjoyed its beauty. When I came home, I felt happy that I had listened to my inner voice.
Life is about change, yet change is always scary. Fears can be powerful to hold us back, but does it really serve us well? I’ve made many changes in my life, from moving into a new country, leaving my romantic relationship to healing the effects of sexual and emotional violence. I never did them without fear. However, each time I followed my inner voice, it was worth it independent on how much fear I felt.
Today, I invite you to reflect on yourself:
- Where do you feel bored in your life?
- What does your fearful voice tell you? How does it keep you stuck?
- What direction does your inner voice urge you to take?
- What direction do you choose?
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Copyright © 2016, Natalie Jovanic. All rights reserved.