How to Become a Modern Heroine

Who is your favorite hero?

When I was a child, my favorite hero was Scaramouche, the hero in a movie that played during the French revolution. He has some love affairs with women who just weren’t a great match before he falls in love with the right woman for his live. The last scene showed him driving away in a coach just married to a beautiful noblewoman while people cheer to him.

What do you have in common with a hero or heroine?

Have you ever wondered whether a fabulous relationship is only possible for a few lucky people? I have until I found out that it isn’t. However, I had to become courageous, compassionate and conscious. All you need to create a fabulous relationship is that you become a modern heroine. Don’t worry if you don’t have to feel like a heroine today. When the hero starts his journey, he never feels like a hero. He is thrown into an adventure. He feels weak or unprepared. And with all this, he fights dragons and overcomes obstacles. He learns new skills and develops powerful resources. He finds allies and defeats enemies. He gets wounded, is reborn and now shines with a new, brilliant light. Suddenly, he feels like the hero we have already seen in him at the beginning of the movie.
The hero’s archetype resides within all of us. It is your choice to activate it. The challenge in your life is to let go of a partner who is the wrong match. The challenge of your life is to open your heart and become courageous, compassionate and conscious in your relationship. These are the challenge you face and it’s your opportunity to start your heroine’s journey. The merit is being happy and finding a great partner who is the love of your life. Isn’t that worth it?

A modern heroine’s journey – of what does it consist?

  • Accept your calling.
    Your journey starts when you sense a calling. It is likely to speak in a very low voice. If you read this article you have it – this inner knowing that a fabulous relationship is what you want to experience in your life. Now, you may want to look away. Maybe you remember the pain when your last relationship failed or the endless fights of your parents in their relationship. Your mind tells you that a fabulous relationship is impossible. You fear your calling and its message. It urges you to change. You don’t feel ready, but you have a gnawing sense that it’s time to walk on a new path. Take a deep breath and accept your calling. It is a loving invitation for being happy in a relationship. You have all what it takes to do so. You are more courageous than you believe you are. A fabulous relationship is possible for you. Start your journey today!
  • Enter an unknown world.
    On your journey, you have to leave behind the world you know. Whatever kind of relationship you experienced in the past, it’s time to learn something new. Now is the appointed time to become courageous, compassionate and conscious. This will lead you to a fabulous relationship. You will make steps into a new direction, a direction towards being whole, and explore things you never did before. Follow this path, leave behind the old and explore the new.
  • Sit down with your shadow.
    My shadow was sexual violence and the emotional abusive relationships I had experienced in my childhood and their effects on myself as an adult. They influenced my adult relationships in a negative way. For many years, I feared to explore them. I attracted partner who weren’t a good match. Finally, I sat down with my shadow. After a while,  a woman gave me this feedback in a workshop: amante de la sombra [lover of the shadow]. When I heard it, I had to smile. Over the years, my shadow has lost its darkness, and I have found wonderful treasures in it. Your shadow is different. However, if you don’t dare to look at it, it will subconsciously control you. As adults, we are supposed to clear any negative conditioning we have received in the past. We are supposed to heal and to become whole. Sitting down with your shadow helps you to release relationship patterns that hinder you to attract a great partner who will be the love of your life. What is your shadow in your relationship? What are the dark spots in your soul that you are afraid to look at? What are the events that have made you close your heart? Your shadows may seem overwhelming and deeply frightening. They may be labeled as horrible and invincible. And you are stronger and more powerful than they are. Dare greatly, and illuminate them. The treasures you will find are worth the effort. Enter the unknown world of self-discovery, healing and becoming whole. Dare greatly and you’ll realize a profound transformation you never believed possible.
  • Let go of your masks.
    My favorite mask was being “A Nice Girl.” It was comfortable because its label seemed positive.  It protected me from harm and conflict. It also led me to abandon myself and hindered myself to show up.
    The masks you put on to relate with other people may seem comfortable, and they impede you to experience belonging. With your masks you can only fit in. And that’s not belonging. Behind your masks, there is a brilliant version of yourself that wants to show up. It is perfectly imperfect, and that’s great. This true and honest version will attract the right partner to create a fabulous relationship. Only you can uncover it. What are the masks you are using? Get to know them and explore them. Then, tear them off, bit-by-bit, and connect with your feelings, needs and boundaries. Show up and speak your truth. Each time you do so, you move forward on your hero’s journey.
  • Find your allies.
    My most powerful allies are nature, the sea, silence and breathing. I also met fascinating people, inspiring teachers, cheerful companions, great coaches and complete strangers who gave me the right hint during a short encounter.
    Who are your allies? Ask them for help. Connect with them. Listen to them. Evaluate whether their words correspond with your truth. If your gut feeling tells you that it is right, then take action.
  • Fight your dragons.
    Your dragons are everything that hinders you to experience a fabulous relationship. Your dragons aren’t in the outside world. They are within yourself. My dragons were the wrong truth I learned about love in my family, low self-worth and self-compassion, shame and guilt. They also consisted of resisting the temptation to stay with the wrong partner out of convenience and fear. Not every person you fall in love with will be a great match to have a fabulous relationship. What are you dragons? Write them down. Observe them. Liberate them. Question the truth of their words. Learn tactics how you can let go of them. Don’t give in to them. Change focus and listen to their anti-pole. Become a motivational speaker for yourself. Ask your allies for help. Conquer your dragons gracefully, one after the other.

What merits will you gain?

You will look at the world with new, bright eyes. You will see the beauty of life. Even if something deeply painful happened to you in your past, its darkness will transform into light throughout your journey. This is likely to happen in stages, just like a spiral. You will re-visit some themes throughout your life. Each time you do so, you will gain more understanding, wisdom and freedom. You can’t save the world, but you can save yourself and you can stop unhappiness in your relationship. You can find a great match as partner and create the fabulous relationship you deserve. And by doing this, you will save the world. You will be courageous, compassionate and conscious, and you’ll be greater version of yourself.  You will experience deep connection with a great partner and the world. And isn’t that all what life is about?

When do you start your hero’s journey?

I look forward to reading your comments below!

Do you want to read more? Check the article What does your soul yearn for?

Copyright © 2014, Natalie Jovanic. All rights reserved.

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6 Ways How You Can Deal With Negative People

Do you have friends who always complain about everything? Or do you know the perfect drama queen who always runs from one catastrophe into the other? Or the poor victim who always ends up in the dark corner left alone?

During my life, I have met many negative people, it all started with close family members. To give you some examples: The partner of my late grandfather was a woman who always saw the negative. Once, we watched an inspiring story about a former athlete who had rebuilt his life after an accident with spinal cord injury. He was a role model for strength and positive attitude. She watched the report without a word. When it had finished, she said: Why haven’t the doctors let him die after this accident? I sat next to her and didn’t know what to say. Every phrase she said reflected her negative perception of the world. I tried my best to cheer her up and change her perspective. Needless to say that it wasn’t successful. I left our conversations feeling exhausted and tired.

We all face short periods of negativity in our life, however, a person who transmits constant pessimism can drag you down.

What can you do to avoid this?

These six tactics will help you to decrease the impact of negative people in your life.

  • Be aware of the negativity and acknowledge its influence.
    The negativity of another person will influence you dependent on your level of sensitivity. I am highly sensitive and take on negativity like a sponge. I tried to tell myself many years that it wouldn’t influence me and it was wrong. True is that it always did until I learned to set boundaries. What happens if you are around negative people? How do you feel after you have been together with them? How is your level of energy afterwards? Be aware of the impact the negativity has on yourself and acknowledge it.
  • Set clear limits.
    If you acknowledge the negativity, you can react in a way that is compassionate towards yourself. We want to be kind, and this means that we are kind to others while being kind to ourselves. You should manage your energy level well. Limit the duration you are together with a negative person, see them or talk to them less frequent. How often do you want to be around with them? How long do you want to stay with them? Always keep in mind that you can’t change the negative attitude of another person. They have to decide that they want to change. You can only take care of yourself and your energy, and avoid to getting drowned by their negativity.
  • Clear yourself energetically.
    I experienced a fast recovery from negativity when I learned to clear myself energetically. How can you do this? If you have been together with a negative person, do a short visualization afterwards. Close your eyes and take some deep breaths. Imagine that you stand in a shower with white light. The light washes away any negativity from your body into the earth. Visualize dark or grey shadows that slowly sink into the earth. Continue with your visualization until the white light fills your complete body. Thank the light for its help. Feel free to change the visualization in a way that it feels right for you. Just listen to your intuition.
  • Explore the other person’s world.
    A very compassionate strategy you can use is to explore the other person’s world. Which stories are hidden behind the negative attitude? What are the hidden desires that haven’t been fulfilled yet? Strive to understand them. Explore their world with love and compassion. Listen to them, don’t judge them and don’t try to find a solution. Mirror them what you understood. Reflect the pain or the resentment you may perceive.
  • Acknowledge the difference.
    Another way to deal with negativity is to acknowledge the difference. There is no need that we all have the same opinion. That’s not possible. So just say, I think we see life very differently. I want to celebrate it. I want to enjoy it fully. You can’t control what they will do and you can’t convince them to follow you. You can just stay true to yourself.
  • You always have a choice.
    We are all adults. We can choose with whom we are spending our time. We are also responsible for the energy we send into the world. If the negativity of a person persists for years and there is no change, you don’t have any obligation to spend your time with them. You can’t change them. Practice compassion towards yourself. Is it compassionate to continue this relationship? Stop finding excuses for the other person’s behavior. Everybody went through some crisis. I am sure you also had bad times in your life. Each of us is responsible how we deal with negative experiences and what attitude we choose towards life. Your time is limited and valuable. You have the choice to walk away from the relationship. You can choose whether you spend it with positive or negative people. With whom do you want to spend your time?

What are your experiences with negative people? I’d love to read your comments below.

Do you want to read more about this theme? Check the article Do you have the right to cut contact with family members?

Copyright © 2014, Natalie Jovanic. All rights reserved.

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What Was The Best Year Of Your Life?

Some years ago, I sat in my Spanish class together with three other students. The teacher asked the question:

What was the best year of your life?

My answer was clear within a second, yet I had to wait until it was my turn. The first person to answer was a blonde woman sitting on the right end of our circle. She was in her early 20’s and said: “The best year of my life was when I was 15 years old. I played a lot with my friends and was outside in the nature.” Suddenly, there was joy in her voice. A man in his 50’s answered: “The best year of my life was the time when I studied. I was regularly going to parties and had many friends. I was free to do what I wanted.” His eyes turned radiant for a moment. A woman in her 40’s remembered: “Well, I had just fallen in love with my husband. We did many activities together; we danced and went to the cinema. It was lovely. We also made many weekend trips to visit places all over Europe.” Her eyes gleamed while she saw Rome and Paris in her inner mind. Her voice was full of love and her gestures vivid.

It was great to listen to their answers, yet I also felt a touch of sadness. While remembering these nostalgic moments, their facial and corporal postures had changed completely. Suddenly, they transmitted a level of joy and happiness that seemed forever lost in everyday life. Silently, I asked myself:

What do they need to do to make this year the best year of their life?

Then it was my turn. For a second, I hesitated to say my answer because it was different and did not fit. Finally, I said: “The best year of my life is the current year.” The years have passed by, and this statement is still true. It does not mean that everything in my life went perfect, I faced some unexpected twists and turns. And with all that, each year is the best year of my life. I am 41 now, and I look with positive anticipation of what the future will bring.

You can make each year the best year of your life, too. The following practices will help you on your journey:

  • Practicing gratitude: Sometimes, we get distracted by all that what we don’t have and forget about what we have. Keep a gratitude journal and write down each day what you are grateful for. Notice the small steps you make, notice a sunny day with a beautiful blue sky or the loving smile you have received while waiting for your train. What are you grateful for?
  • Taking care of your emotional health: Don’t numb your feelings. In our society, it is usual to numb our feelings by different behaviours, such as using alcohol, online games, excessive shopping or eating. If you numb your feelings to avoid pain, you also won’t feel joy and happiness. Grief your losses, maybe it was a project you especially loved or a relationship. Allow yourself to feel the sadness, allow your tears to flow. They will clean your soul and help you to move forward. Every emotion that shows up in a specific moment has a meaning for your life. Connecting with your emotions and expressing them is a vital ingredient for your well-being. On a scale from 0 to 10, to which extent do you currently connect with your emotions?
  • Spend time alone in silence: The noise from the outside world is very loud, it offers us a huge range of distractions. Your partner, your family and even society may want to tell you how you are supposed to live your life. The urge to fulfill all these different expectations is tempting, however, is this your path? Does it feel right for you? You can find all the answers you need within yourself. What feels right for me, might not feel right for you. There is no right or wrong way to live your life; important is that you find the way that feels right for you. Take a time-out, and sit some minutes each day in silence, just you and your breath. Live the question and trust that the answer will arrive when the time is right.
  • Cherish the relationship with yourself: The relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship you will have in your entire life. It is also the longest relationship you will experience. Make it a good one. What can you do to cherish your relationship with yourself today? Do you see yourself as being good enough? Do you consider yourself as being worthy? Let go of the negative conditioning you might have received. Create a loving, cheerful and respectful relationship with yourself.

Now, take a deep breath and set your intention to make this year the best year of your life. Close your eyes and see yourself living the best year of your life. You are the magician of your life and have a magic wand. Change is always possible.

What is the first action that comes to your mind?

I’d love to hear from you. Just leave a comment below.

Do you want to find out more about taking care of your emotional well-being? Read this article about emotions.

Copyright © 2014, Natalie Jovanic. All rights reserved.

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A Brave, True Story – Press Release

This New Heartfelt Memoir Reveals How It Is Possible to Heal from Emotional Abuse and Violence and Live with Passion, Purpose, and Fulfillment

A Brave True Story – A Transformational Memoir about Healing Family Ties and Relationship, the heartfelt and inspiring memoir of Natalie Jovanic, provides an insightful exploration into the world of relationships, emotions, and recovery from dark experiences of the past.

 

Stories have the power to heal. Stories can support people when painful memories impinge on their daily life. But stories can also prevent them from living fully, especially when they are buried deep within their soul.

If people have experienced violence or struggled with unhealthy relationships, A Brave True Story can help them see that they are not alone and that they have many choices to transform their life. They can get rid of negative emotions like pain, shame, or guilt. They can increase their awareness about areas where they need to look more closely. And they can gently explore their untold stories and search for their beauty.

Natalie’s memoir shows that the power to heal resides within each person. It helps people to find new ways to nurture and unfold their full potential.

A Brave True Story does not give the one-and-only recipe, but a human experience with inspiration and thought-provoking impulses for each person’s healing journey. This book encourages them to become whole, to say no to violence and unhealthy relationships, and to live life fully. It can also help them to restore hope and find meaning.

As the author notes, “I share my story not for me, but for you. A Brave True Story is my deeply personal account of a healing journey from violence and unhealthy relationships to a life lived with fulfillment, passion, and love.”

She continues, “As a young child, I was not supported or protected and, as a result, I grew into a woman who had abandoned herself. A trip to Thailand opened my eyes enough to start listening to my inner voice. I left behind loveless relationships and released painful emotions. And I finally recovered my deep love for myself. This is how I ultimately became whole again.”

A Brave True Story is a story about accepting, forgiving, and ultimately finding inner peace and joy.

What others say:

“[A] delicate memoir about a woman’s path to healing the darkness of violence and suffering.…[The author’s] utter simplicity and directness—her impeccable inner child’s innocence—win our trust…as she shines her gentle, steady light through the scary woods to open roads and unexpected opportunity.”
R. S. Evans, human ecologist, author of RICE

“If you loved Angela’s Ashes, you’ll love – and be incredibly moved by – A Brave, True Story.”
John Kremer, author of 1001 Ways to Market Your Books

“A Brave, True Story gives an intimate vision of what true healing is all about. An inspirational, from-the-soul book and a very personal message with light and love.”
Urs Milz, executive coach, author of The Trillion Dollar IT Revolution

A Brave True Story (USD 14.95, CAD 16.95) is available to buy from Amazon.com, BN.com, Amazon.uk, and Amazon.com.au.

Press Release published in:

http://www.prweb.com/releases/2014/04/prweb11739999.htm

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Do You Really Know What You Are Worth?

My friend’s relationship was about one year old, and she did everything to support her partner with his business. She worked for him from early in the morning until late at night and neglected her own business. He did not appreciate what she did; instead he called her names. When she asked for a Sunday off because she felt exhausted, he called her lazy. Each time she called me she seemed more desperate, and her voice lost energy and life force. I got worried because she did not care for herself and allowed her partner to treat her badly. When I mentioned my concerns, she found many excuses for her partner and his lack of love and respect, he had a difficult childhood, at the beginning of our relationship, he was different, or she said that she was difficult and not easy to handle so he had to treat her badly. Deep inside, she did not see her worth and pleased her partner. She did not value her needs and forgot that she was the a valuable person who matters.

The pattern continued, and her struggle became greater. Months later, she phoned me. This time she said, I deserve that he loves and respects me! She was in tears, yet her voice was firm. I felt relieved. After this insight, they got separated, my friend asked for professional help and started to embrace her self-worth.

I also struggled many years with my self-worth. I grew up in a family environment that was driven by fear, guilt and shame, and, as an adult, I saw myself through a negative lens that told me that I was not good enough and that something was profoundly wrong with me. I allowed others to give me negative labels because I lacked critical awareness until I learned to differentiate and started a journey of self-discovery.

Through which lens do you look at yourself?

Self-worth is an important ingredient for living a fulfilled life and having healthy relationships. It enables you to be yourself and show up in your relationships. The level of self-worth you are experiencing is influenced by your experiences with your family, your romantic partners, your friends and your work environment. If you grew up in a family that supported you and your development of yourself and that allowed to express your emotions, you are likely to experience a higher level of self-worth. However, if you experienced highly judging and criticizing environments that loaded many expectations on yourself, it is likely that you have a lower sense of self-worth. Another major influence on your self-worth comes from the messages from the media culture.

Do you think that you have to be perfect? Do you think that you are not good enough? Do you think that you are a failure? Do you have to be the perfect wife or husband? Do you want to be perfect? These thoughts contribute to a lower sense of self-worth and it is likely that they are not true. They are just a lens how you look at yourself.

How about looking at you through a different lens?

You are enough the way you are right now. Everybody is different and unique, and you are worthy of love for who you are. The more you are able to show who you are, the better you can connect to other people. You are not supposed to please others or to fulfill the expectations others impose on you, but to contribute to this world by being yourself. You are important for this world. Nobody is perfect, and you are good enough with all your imperfections. You will never make it right for everybody, but you can make it good for yourself. If you currently experience a low sense of self-worth, you do not have to stay in this place. You have a choice: release shame and guilt, show up and re-connect with your self-worth today. You cannot change your past, and you can create a better future with patience and persistence. This way, you enable yourself to live a fulfilled life and to have great relationships.

Do you want to try on this lens?

What are your experiences with worthiness? I’d love to read your comments below!

Do you want to read more? Check the post What does your soul yearn for?

Copyright © 2014, Natalie Jovanic. All rights reserved.

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Do You Know the Secret for Fulfilling Relationships?

Have you ever wondered what is the greatest secret that leads to fulfilling relationships?

I have asked myself this question about a thousands times until I found the answer: The greatest secret that leads to fulfilling relationships is having self-esteem. Sounds simple, doesn’t it. Actually, it wasn’t that simple for me because I never established it as a child but I developed is an adult. I have experienced profound changes in my relationships when I raised my self-esteem, and you can do the same. Read this story:

Many years ago, I was observing people how they talked to one another. I did not dare to join them because of my low self-esteem. I thought that I could not share anything interesting so I stayed distant and silent. In that time, I did not honor my worth and had many negative believes about myself. This limited my life and my way to relate to others. Until I found out that self-esteem was something I could develop and improve by myself. So I started to transform my negative thoughts with persistence and patience. I stopped to focus on my failures, but on what I had learned and I started to acknowledge my positive sides. I stopped wanting to be perfect and started to be kind to myself. Gradually, I began to love and to honor who I was, with my good and bad sides. I changed from a rigid and judging perspective towards myself into a loving and compassionate one.

Raising self-esteem is important for your life. It allows you to experience a higher degree of positive feelings and to have better and more fulfilling relationships with your partner and friends It makes you independent of the approval of others. Let’s face it, the people you love will not always have the same opinion as you have. Not every friend will understand the decisions you make or the things you do. Or people might even judge you that you are wrong. Does it mean that you are wrong? No, you just have different opinions.
Self-esteem also protects you from staying in abusive or unhealthy relationship. It allows you to set healthy boundaries and to say no. Furthermore, it improves your efficiency in achieving your goals.
With a healthy self-esteem you can be who you really are, you can say your opinion and speak your truth and still feel respect and compassion towards others, even if they have a different opinion.
Some people have already developed a healthy self-esteem during their childhood. Others not. I assure you, everyone can develop it. Start your journey today and develop self-esteem by following this advice:

You are unique and wonderful!

I admit, many years of my life I compared myself with other women and always felt horrible. My hair was never as beautiful as theirs, not to mention my figure and my height. I looked into the mirror and felt horrible. Then, I got angry with myself and I decided to stop comparing and focus on what I have. I remembered that my mother always liked my eyes. So I started to like my eyes. Over time, I became more and more content with my exterior image, even though it is not at all perfect. Stop comparing yourself with others! Focus on the features that make you special because that is what you are – unique and special. Look at yourself in a compassionate way. Look into the mirror and tell yourself every morning, I am beautiful, I love me, I am loveable. I know that you are.

Establish a loving and compassionate inner dialog!

I often had a very destructive inner dialog. I told myself sentences like I will never make it, You are not good enough or Others are better than you. With these demotivating words, I made myself feeling bad and did not even try to achieve what I wanted. I observed my inner dialog and consciously changed any negative tendencies. Now I am telling myself things like I will achieve it, I give my best.
Observe your thoughts and transform any negative inner dialog into a positive one. Become your own motivator and start to talk to yourself in a loving and compassionate way.

Concentrate on your learning!

Everyone has made mistakes – at least I have made a lot in my life. The important point is what you have learned from your mistakes. Take two papers. On the first paper, write down the mistakes that are still bothering you. On the second paper, write down everything that you have learned from your mistakes. Now, say, Thank you to the first paper and pull it into pieces, burn it in a safe place or throw it away. Keep the second paper with what you have learned and read it frequently.

Set achievable goals and respect your own rhythm!

When you set yourself goals do not carry it to the excess! Set a realistic time frame for your goals so that you are able to achieve them. Ask yourself when you set your goals, What would be the kindest action towards myself. Get into action to achieve your goals and celebrate each time when you have achieved it. Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t meet the timeline. Just set a new date and move on.

Improving self-esteem is a life-long task.
You are work in progress and can enhance yourself and your relationships each day. I invite you to start your journey to improving your self-esteem today. Learn to love and respect yourself, and you will see how your exterior world will change, too. Use the energy of spring to fall in love with the wonderful person you are right now!

I love to read your comments below!

You want to learn more? Read this article about self-worth.

Copyright © 2014, Natalie Jovanic. All rights reserved.

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How To Use Your Mind Power Positively

Do you sometimes observe other people and think I could never make this? Do you have doubts like I am too old or That’s impossible for me? Do you understand the deep impact your mind can have on your life? Read this story and find out how you can use your mind power in a positive way.

I have these negative thoughts, and my personal game is to turn them around. Just to give you one example: I always thought that it was impossible for me to do Ashtanga Yoga more than two times a week. To be honest: there were weeks when only once a week seemed possible. Ashtanga is rather strenuous, and I found many excuses like I am too oldMy body is not fit enough or I do not have time. One day, I was sick and tired of my own excuses, and I decided to go to Ashtanga Yoga four times in one week.

I started on Tuesday morning, and it worked out fine, as always. On Wednesday, the little voice of my doubts appeared in my mind, Will my body really do it? I ignored it and, besides a little stiffness in the beginning, it went perfect. On Thursday morning, I got up with energy, did not think about anything and just went into my class. Thursday turned out to be a great day. However, the final challenge waited – Friday. When I got up, I observed my internal dialog. The voice of my laziness asked sweetly, What was the most loving thing for you to do? Isn’t it enough that you have already done it three times? These considerations seemed tempting but I decided to stick to my plan. When I arrived in my class, my teacher asked me whether I was doing an intensive that week. I replied: “Well, I am breaking with my limiting beliefs.” She smiled and said: “That’s good so.”

After the session, my inner voice told me Yes, I can! I started to smile, and this smile accompanied me all day long together with joy and fulfillment. I knew that I could repeat it anytime I wanted. This experience was another proof that my limits are created by my own thoughts, this self-constructed building in my mind that can limit or motivate me. That week, I felt fully energized and motivated.

As human beings, we tend to live in our comfort zone, creating our reality about what we believe possible based on our experiences. Is that all you can achieve in life? No. Definitely not. You experiences are a product of the past; they are already gone. They might have been positive or negative. It doesn’t matter. You can now create a new and better future. And I assure you that you can realize much more than you can imagine.

Step out of your comfort zone. Do something you considered impossible! Do something to break your routine! How does it make you feel?

The magic of life happens outside your comfort zone. You are born to make new experiences, to learn something new each day and to go on new adventures. You are supposed to free yourself from the limitations your past imposes on you and live your greatest potential. You can make a new beginning with each breath you take. Life becomes fluent if you realize things you believed impossible and if you break out of your routine. By living outside your comfort zone, you experience a higher degree of fulfillment and happiness in your life. And who wouldn’t long to achieve this? Just remember: Yes, You Can. I believe in you.

How do you break out of your routine today?

I love to read your comments below!

Copyright © 2014, Natalie Jovanic. All rights reserved.

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Storytelling: The Power Of Story

Once upon a time there was a conference in Madrid where I was listening to the great masters of coaching, bored and tired. A woman stepped on the stage, sat down in the circle of the masters and told a story with love and feelings. Immediately my attention was connected with her, my eyes became bright and fascinated like a little girl. It was Lisa Bloom, storyteller and founder of Story-Coach Inc.

That was the day that I plunged into the beautiful world of stories for coaching, thanks to Lisa.

The world of the storytelling is great and has an enormous diversity. Although the world has changed a lot, the stories still teach us timeless truths and wisdom in a graceful and indirect way and support us to give meaning to our lives that sometimes can seem complicated. We live always in a hurry and listening to a story gives us a quiet moment in that we are present and deeply connected and it helps us to pause and reflect about ourselves and our lives.


When we tell our own stories we define how we see reality, whether it is a story about how we found our partner or the story that we tell to find a job. We do not only tell facts because we are not only rational. We are emotional and our emotions often cause us to decide. The stories include emotions and can touch us in a deep level, sometimes they even work in our subconscious mind. The stories of other persons can inspire us or give us hope. They can show us a new perspective, something we never thought of and they can open us new horizons.

What is the power of stories in our life and in coaching?

For me, the best person to answer this is Lisa Bloom:

What is the power of stories for you?

The power of stories is the ability to connect with people on a very deep level, to inspire and to get really their attention. Since the beginning of time we have expressed ourselves through story. We have passed on our culture, our value system and our sense of community through stories.

How do stories help us to understand our reality?

People tell stories all the time. If it is for example the story of “how I came to be where I am now”, you are not telling what is actual fact necessarily. We tell opinions, our approach, our point of view. It creates the framework about which we create our whole reality. I give a good example: My sister and I, we might reminisce about our childhood. Sometimes I do not know how she grew up. Mostly, it is because she tells a different story. She tells it because of her own personal outlook and her belief system. It is her story and is different to mine, although we grew up together.
Story is what creates our reality. When you listen intently to somebody else’s story, you get a picture of a lot more than the words they say. You get images, a sense of an opinion, values and a lot of information on how the person particularly sees the world.

What is the power of stories in coaching?

For me, storytelling and coaching is a whole methodology. It is about coaching at a much more effective level because you are using story as a way to access people’s inner most state to be able to create a change and new perspectives and to help them achieve their objectives. The idea is to inspire clients by using your own story, by fairytales or folktales. It allows you to bring them to a place where they have never thought of.

How do stories help us to heal our lives?

We have stories that we live with that generate pain for us. When you uncover this story of your live and look for different ways to transform it, looking more at the journey, the transformation and the outcome rather than the pain, then you relieve the suffering and begin to heal. Being able to find someone to listen to your story without judgment and without trying to solve it, allows you to tell it and this can be the start on the healing process.
Sometimes it helps us to heal our situation if we listen to stories that are inspiring us because we can imagine something better.

What influence do the stories have in your daily life?

Stories are the way I am in a sense. I find that I can navigate life in a more enjoyable way when I am aware of the story.
We create a lot of pain and tension because we have a story about any given situation that is not serving us well or that is not good for us. So much of how we live is simply a story that we can tell from so many perspectives. You can choose to tell an empowering, beautiful, grateful and contributing story. Or you can choose to be miserable. For me, deciding on how I tell my stories is a day-to-day activity.

Anything else you want to comment that I have not yet asked you?

I love to encourage people to inquire their stories and to learn a little about them and take the responsibility for their stories and on how to tell them, both the good ones and the less good ones and to figure out how they could create more powerful stories. Because many times we just do not think about it and tell stories that do not do us too well. Once you’ve identified these stories, look what you can change in your perspective so that you can tell them in a way that you feel better and that it serves a better purpose. This is how we can transform our lives and make a meaningful change.

Do you want to tell us a story that you particularly like?

It’s really hard, there are so many … I think one of my favorite stories is “The picture of peace.” The reason I love this story is because this message is so powerful, that even at the worst of time, when everything seems so destructive, peace is simply possible because it is in our hearts, it is not that it comes from outside.

What experiences do you have with stories?

I’d love to hear from you. Just leave your comment below.

Do you want to read more? Check my story in the post What if you fear relationships?

based on the article “Metáforas para el cambio: Cuéntame una Historia” published in the magazine “Crearte Magazine”, www.creartemagazine.com

 

Copyright ©2014, Natalie Jovanic. All rights reserved.

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Dating Frustration? Find some refreshing perspectives on finding a healthy relationship!

Do you know this frustration when you date people, and it always goes wrong? Here is the story of a good friend of mine and some dating advice that will give you some new thoughts about dating.

My friend is a beautiful woman with long blond hair and wonderful blue eyes. Some years ago she went through a painful relationship that ended in a difficult divorce. She has close friends but does not have a family to protect her in difficult times, so having a relationship was really important for her and she started for a loving relationship with a wonderful man.
First, she met a guy from Scotland while he was visiting the city. He went back to Scotland. My friend faced all her fears to give their relationship a chance, and she went through some hard months until she was ready to open up for him. She made it, but he gave up after six months because of his fears.
Then, she became acquainted with the second man, listened to his problems and was curious to understand him, open to accept him as he was. Again, she trusted him and faced her fears. It failed because he withdrew.
A few weeks later, she got to know the third man. The beginning was perfect, he wanted to see her and spent a lot of time with her. After some weeks, he was not sure what he wanted. She accepted his doubts and gave him freedom to sort out what he wanted. After two repetitions, she let him go.
In the beginning, she simply felt desperately sad when it did not work out, yet she used every attempt to connect more deeply with herself, defining what she wanted and needed. When the third attempt didn’t work out, she went to her doctor by some coincidence and he looked into her blue eyes and said: “You are just too nice.” She was angry about this comment, later she saw the truth of it.

As a result, she started to take good care for herself and acknowledged that life is more than just having a relationship. There are so many facets in addition to having a healthy relationship. She established new goals for her life and re-connected with a long forgotten dream and started a two-year training to be able to follow the career of her dreams. She created her own happiness inside herself. She has defined clearly what relationship and partner she wants. This guides her to take the right choices and helps her to set limits. She has increased self-esteem and each day she loves and embraces herself more.
She moves forward with her life while she never gives up on her dream to have a healthy and loving relationship.

Finding the right partner is not a simple dating “game”. You will meet people who are not ready to give you what you want or they simply can’t. That’s not about you; it’s about them. You can’t change the other person. You can only focus on what you want, have healthy boundaries and take good care for yourself. In the end, you are not looking for anybody, but for a good partner to share your life with. You are worthy with or without a partner. You deserve to be loved, honored and respected.
Happiness or fulfillment does not depend on having a relationship or not. You can find it inside yourself. So, if you meet a partner who is not ready to give you what you need or want, move on. Don’t allow desperation to control you. A good partner for you is already out there and you both will meet when it is the right time. Meanwhile enjoy your life as a single, enjoy your freedom, explore new hobbies, do all that you always wanted to do.
Connect with yourself. Explore your spirituality. Start your personal growth process. What are your passions? What are your dreams? What are your strengths? What makes you special? Your life is precious. Being a single is a phase of your life that has many benefits, being in a relationship has others. Embrace this phase of your life and make it the best phase ever.

What are your experiences with dating?

I’d love to hear from you. Just leave a comment below.

Do you want to read more? Check the post What does your soul yearn for?

Copyright © 2014, Natalie Jovanic. All rights reserved.

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Did you ever deeply fear something? What if it happens?

Did you ever fear something and imagined that it would really happen and you had to face your fear? Let me tell you this story:

In the first month after I moved to Barcelona, I saw a fire in a house when I went to work. The affected people gathered on the street in their pajamas and looked helplessly at the dark smoke that came out of one apartment.

Since that day, I feared that a fire would break out in the house I live, and that I had to manage to get out fast enough with my three cats. I tried to visualize it, and it always seemed rather difficult.

Yesterday started as a great day: I went running in the morning – the sky was blue and spring was in the air. In the afternoon, I had an inspiring phone conversation with two colleagues. Then, I got up and wanted to do my laundry. When I opened the door of the balcony, I saw dark clouds of smoke coming from downstairs. People were screaming loudly. A few seconds later, they were ringing my bell, giving me a clear sign that it was time to leave the house.

I looked at my three lovely cats that lay around lazily. Now, we had to make the impossible possible. Normally, it is a dance of at least 15 minutes to get them into the transport bags, and I never go out of the house with more than two cats. Within a second, I grabbed two transport bags, packed Thor, one of my cats, and put him in one of them. He was too surprised to react. The other two tried to vanish. I caught Loki, his sister, and put her into the other bag, ignoring her usual fight. Fully concentrated, I grabbed Angel, my cheerful two-legged cat, on top of her. I also got my passport because I want to move to another country, and I would need it to do so. Then I left my apartment. At the open door, I turned around and took a short glance at my belongings. No, I wouldn’t need anything else; all that was important was with me. I closed the door.

The lights of the steep staircase were off, leaving it completely dark. I went down, cautiously feeling for the end of each step. The staircase was old and uneven, and even with light it was a challenge. At one corner, I nearly missed a step. I held on tightly to the handrail and reduced my speed. The smoke became even thicker and made it hard to breathe. Finally, I went through the entrance door on the street. People started to talk to me. I looked at them confused. I somehow had lost my abilities to speak and understand Spanish. The police came and closed off the street. I sat down at the entrance of another house, the bags with the cats close next to me. What is the next step I can do? I asked myself. I looked at my mobile. My battery was nearly empty. The firefighters came. People crowded together to see the fire. I sent a message to my friend in Munich, asking her to pray. Then, I sent a message to a good friend in Barcelona whether I could come to her place with my cats if I can’t return to my apartment. Both replied positively. I prayed for being able to return to my house with shaking hands. Thor was screaming in his bag. Loki sat on top of Angel. I told them that I was sorry. Both of them looked at me with dark eyes. I had to laugh. I was so happy that we all were safe. Whatever happened, there would be a solution.

One hour later, a firefighter brought me to my apartment. My cats were well. And although my knees were still shaking, all was well.

Yesterday was a very lucky day. Thank you, Universe, thank you for my luck.

Most things we fear never will happen. However, sometimes our fears paralyze us so the following advice can help you to relax: If you fear a situation, make a plan how you would act and who could help you. Visualize the different steps, face your fear and how you overcome it successfully. And just in case that it happens: Trust that you have a much greater strength and focus than you believe right now and that you can manage it. Take little steps. Pray for a positive outcome (you don’t have to have to a religious belief to do so). Trust that all will be well.

What fears did you overcome? I love to read your comments below.

Do you want to read more? Check the post How to use the power of your mind positively.

Copyright © 2014, Natalie Jovanic. All rights reserved.

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